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Gopher Gulch: Updating my immune system
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There’s a common, sarcastic saying that goes, “No good deed goes unpunished.” I’ve got a hunch the person who first said it was protesting innocence in the face of guilt. It has a put-upon, victim sort of whine which, coupled with sarcasm, is highly suspicious.
I’d like to rewrite that saying to read, “No good fun is free,” because there is balance in the universe, as sure as there are two sides to every coin. And that’s just fine, because the fun was worth the price being paid. I’ve hopped around our county and a couple of others like a grasshopper all summer, talking with everyone, sliding my hands along the railings everyone else uses, and handling doorknobs to public restrooms. It was probably those activities that caught up with me, rather than clambering around interesting rusty items in the harbor, examining dead birds and grazing on sea lettuce at low tide. If anybody is keeping track of swine flu cases in Del Norte County, I might have one. Instead of stomach issues, there’s a constant cough. Ordinarily I never cough, and so Shadow won’t even comfort me. He thinks I’m barking at him.
Someone must have slipped in, worked me over with a 2x4, and slipped
out again, leaving me for dead. Ha! I’m not that easy to kill, though I
ache all over. Neighbor Bob brought me expectorant and popsicles, I’ve
doubled my immune support gelcaps, and drink lots of water, even if it
tastes like metal. I get sick so rarely I don’t do it gracefully. I
snivel, moan, and act like a big baby.
This may sound like sacrilege, but I blame my usual exuberant good health on a total lack of immunizations. My immune system has explored nearly everything and accepts viruses, bacteria, mold, mildew and rust as normal occupants of this body. I’m the only person my age I know that doesn't have a scar from a smallpox vaccination. Apparently I first slipped through the vaccination cracks as a baby. I do remember having anti-polio vaccine on a sugar cube, after going door to door with Mom during the “Mother’s March of Dimes” to find a cure for polio. I’ve never had a flu shot, and my last tetanus shot remains vivid in my memory. It was over 50 years ago, and Mom stood with one foot on either side of my foot on a board where a rusty, bloody nail stuck out of the top of my shoe. She wrapped her arms around me, and with one quick jerk I was free. Mom had seen lockjaw, and so I got a tetanus shot. And now, feeling like seagull poop on a bicycle helmet, I’m getting a fine opportunity to update my immune system. Since swine flu is the only new thing I haven’t been exposed to and conquered, this might be it. But it’s not fun! If there’s a chance you’re so afflicted, do the world a favor and stay home. |
