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Papers don’t write ’em like this anymore

From the pages of the Crescent City American, June 1927.

Yon Yonson going down the highway at 48 miles per hour attracted the attention of the speed cop who brought Yonson into court. Yon being duly sworn in proceeded to testify practically in the following strain:

“As I was coming along the street I hear a whistle blow. I pulled to one side of the road and I tank I hear another whistle blow, and then I tank why don’t the damphool pass me if he wants to pass me. I am out on the road, then I hear a shot and I tank I got a flat tire, den I hear another shot and I tank I have a blowout, but I ride so easy I tank I hadn’t had a blowout, and den somebody pass by me and holler and I tank he bin de speed cop, he come over and I said, “What the hell do you vants?

“He say I was going 48 miles an hour. I tank I was only going 42, and the speed cop he say you go and see the judge next Friday. I say I tank a new law says I can go 40 miles per hour.” 

Now the court interrupted, saying in essence: “Yon, you are fined $15 and 30 days in jail for failure to obey the signals given by the traffic officer and in the event that the $15 is paid the 30 days in jail will not be insisted upon, but don’t do anymore tanking or speeding.”

Moon fish to be protected

Grunion, the unbelievable little fish that comes out of the ocean at certain seasons to dance in the moonlight on Southern California beaches, will be able to perform their mystic rites undisturbed by humans in the future, says the San Francisco Examiner, at least during the closed season in each year just provided by the State Legislature. 

People who have never seen it believe that the Southern Californian is romancing when he tells the tale of a fish who comes out of the water in whole battalions and does a moonlight dance on the water; but nevertheless grunion do just that during certain seasons, and persons who care little for the spectacular, but like fish to eat, have been taking them in baskets and buckets, so that their numbers have dwindled in late years. The new law will protect the spectacle for future years. 

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